Blog Primero, Again

On April 2, 2010, I wrote my first post on this blog. I called it "Blog primero." First blog. I didn't know then that I was starting something I would need sixteen years later.

I wrote near every day that spring. I wrote about freedom and oppression. I wrote about love like it was a science, because to a young psychologist, it was. I wrote about loss, faith, fear, and what it costs a man to comply — and what it costs him to resist. I ended my posts with questions, because I wanted to hear from you, not just talk at you.

Then life did what life does. I built a practice and lost it. I built a family — a son, three daughters — and I am fighting now, in a courtroom, for my place in my children's lives. I have driven other people where they needed to go just to keep the lights on. I have been lied about by people who never had to look me in the eye.

I say all that to say this: I never stopped being a writer. I stopped publishing. There's a difference.

I am late blooming, but it's never too late for a great idea to manifest. This is the manifestation.

Daily Life Line is back. Every day, a lifeline: psychology without the jargon, fatherhood without the varnish, faith, freedom, and the truth as I have lived it. Some of it will make you love me. Some of it might make you hate me. I'd rather be hated for the truth than loved for a performance.

The old posts are still below this one — all of them, going back to 2010. Read the old me. Then watch the new me work.

So let me end the way I used to end, with questions for you:

1) What did you stop doing that you were born to do?

2) What would it cost you to start again — and what is it costing you not to?

3) If you could go back and change your decision, would you? If you can change it from now on, will you?

The line is open again. Daily.

— J

Deciding What Really Matters

Imagine you have been informed that you have only a short while to live. Unpleasant I am sure as it is to imagine, what comes to mind? What would you do with the rest of your life. What would you want to do? Who would you spend that time with? Asking yourself the big questions, and imagining yourself in the most pressure-filled situations is the best way that I know to come into an awareness of Self. Knowledge of Self is the prerequisite for knowing what you'd do in any given situation and what matters most to you.

 It has been my privilege to provide mental health services to people of ages ranging from 3 years to 105 years. Regardless of age, sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, and/or religion, what I have learned of humanity is that above all other things only a few things really matter to us: Love; Family; Achievement; Happiness; and Kindness. We seek and find these vital elements through our pursuit of virtues. Among the Loyalty, Generosity, Trust, Faith, Courage, Honor, and Honesty.

Unfortunately, the trappings of modern society and the observance of the passing of time too often distract us from tending to that which matters most. Master Bruce Lee impressed upon his student that knowing what you feel "is like a finger pointing to the moon. Don't focus on the finger or you will miss all the heavenly glory." 

There are things that quicken your soul, brighten the world around you, and cause you to radiate positive energy out into the universe. If you haven't found those things, keep seeking. If you know what they are but have neglected them, stop stalling. And if you are living a life of passion, share it with those who matter to you.

Don't Waste Your Time Reading This

If you're reading this already, you are one of the hopefully few people that needs to read this. Internet articles and blog posts are a newer way for people prone to procrastinate to excel at wasting their time. I recently read an "article" about 40 things men over 40 should no longer say, and I quickly realized it was a complete waste of time. While it did stimulate thoughts and contribute commentary to a few pseudointellectual discussions and help pass the time spent on the toilet, it did little to actually improve my life. That is the case with 90% of the things you can read on the internet.

Before writing this blog post, I saw an article on how to stop procrastinating. Instead of clicking on the link, I simply answered the question for myself and found my answer just as helpful as anything I might find in the article. The answer was, in part, not read the damn article.

In the time I could be reading someone's possibly well expressed thoughts on how to stop procrastinating, I can write my own quick article and at least feel like I was productive. Similarly, rather than reading this blog post you could be getting a workout in, cleaning the house, planting a garden, reading a book to your child, or doing work for your job.

Life is a series of precious moments that don't deserve to be wasted. You can't get the time back. If you get into the habit of clicking and reading every catchy headline, you could be wasting a lot of your life consuming information that does next to nothing to enrich your life.

Defending a Curse

I am always in awe of the ways and lengths people will go to to defend a curse. Most of us have something or someone in our lives that brings us down, holds us back, and dims our light. And oh so often, we have people who care enough to tell us about our curses; our problems. Even better still, there are times when we make ourselves aware of the issues that are barriers to the full unfolding of our higher selves. But anyone who watched G.I. Joe as a kid knows that "knowing is only half the battle."

Republican House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (VA) knows that women should be protected from violence with the full weight of the law, but he currently is leading his colleagues in an effort to defeat the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). This Act has been passed for 13 years without problem because everyone knows that women (like all life) should be protected from violence. Congress has acted on this Act consistently and affirmatively until three new provisions became Republican deal breakers. The three provisions were for the protection of women in the LGBT community, undocumented immigrants, and Native American women.

Sounds overtly homophobic, nationalistic, and racist you might think. Perhaps Eric Cantor and John Boehner (Speaker of the House and R-OH) have a reasonable explanation for their resistance to passing the VAWA. Up until now their talking point has been that they know women ought to be protected from violence, but these new provisions are political in nature and foster big government. Cantor spokespeople have said that it is a mistake for Tribal Courts to have jurisdiction over prosecuting domestic violence cases and that jurisdiction should remain with the State and Federal Courts. Under one new provision this would change so that the domestic violence cases committed on Tribal territory could be handled by the Tribal Court. Seems to me the House Majority leader acknowledges there is a problem but chooses not to act. The problem here is that the majority of domestic violence cases involving Native women also involve non-Native men. Because of the inaction of State and Federal officials, the majority of these non-Native men go unpunished by law. It's a no brainer! That's why 17 of their Republican colleagues have sent a letter to Mr. Cantor and Mr. Boehner urging them to "pass the VAWA right away" (as POTUS Barack Hussein Obama would say). The failure to pass the Act with these new provisions is an embarrasment for our country; our humanity.

My favorite proverb says, "It is better to light a candle than to sit and complain about the darkness." Just as Faith without Works is dead (James 2:14-26 Holy Bible), knowing that a problem exists and doing nothing to fix it displays no desire for growth. If you are not growing, you are dying. And if you are dying, you are not really living. 

Daily Meditation
Imagine you are a tree. What is at your root? How is your trunk, your branches, and leaves? How is the air that you breathe? Attend to any problems therein. Be an inspiration to those around you, and as you grow tall and strong the entire forest around you shall become a more harmonious biosphere. Your world.

The take home message is live and grow!

This message is inspired by Latipha Cross (pictured above). After watching her interview on ESPN, I feel like a tiny slug. This young woman has overcome odds I have never imagined and she sublimates like a champion. If you missed this interview and have never heard Latipha's story, and you read this and don't check for her on youtube, you may want to avoid salt. Girls rock!

J

Trying to Avoid Complete Humiliation

One of my best friends used to say he was trying to avoid complete humiliation, in response to the question, what you doin'. I always found that humorous.

The idea that humiliation is something to avoid sounds correct enough on its face. But take the word humiliation and break it into its parts, and that idea demands reform. Humility, humble, humbleness, human.

Humiliation is the state of being lowered in position either in one's own eyes or in the eyes of other's. And what is wrong with being perceived lower? Being perceived as human? Words synonymous are modesty, degrade, shame, humble, dishonor, demean, discredit, and take down. Is that beneath us? Should we avoid it or should we aspire for opportunities to be so turned?

No one has ever risen up without first being turned down. A giant no longer aspires for exaltation. He is already a giant. Instead, giant's are intrigued with appearing low. They know that there aggrandizement required their abasement. They had to find teachers, leaders, and inspirational figures to look up to. The greatest humans have faced humiliation in the most punishing of ways.

The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was humble, beaten down, locked in jail, discredited, shamed, dishonored, disrespected, degraded, debased, and demeaned. He was fouled and murdered. Assassinated before the prime of his life. Still he is exalted above all other figures in American history and held in the highest esteem. And Jesus Christ is seen in our collective consciousness as the most humble, and at the same time seen by many Christians as part God Almighty.

And to my friend today, whom I will call on the phone in a moment only to be ignored (which matters not more than our loving bond), I will say this... What you doin'? And I will hope that his efforts in the past to avoid humiliation have failed. I love humanity, the greatest of lowly beasts on Earth.

by Dr. James Manuel

Faith and Doubt

Faith is not contrary to reason. In fact, it is totally reasonable to have complete faith in your dreams; in yourself. Doubt is denegrating to the self. Believing what is best to believe in is the best policy. Regardless of its popularity with others, what matters is whether your belief lifts you up or tears you down. Believe what's best to believe with absolute faith, and you will see only victory.

Freedom vs. Oppression

In my heart I believe that slavery never ended. The millions of women kidnapped around the world and sold as slaves in the modern-day sex trade are evidence of that. The children ripped from their parents' homes and thrown into forced labor can testify to that. The prisoners in the United States, the most abundant prison population in the world, can speak of the ongoing existence of slavery.

Several years ago, I began writing a theory of personality that was based on the development of people born into a society with a slave economy. In my theory, the pivotal and critical period in personality development came early in our development, but our personality development continued throughout life. The theory states: As infants, we make a choice (based on our temperments and experiences) to either resist or comply. This initial decision lays the foundation for our interpersonal patterns, our failures and successes, for the rest of our lives. Those who rebel or resist, must endure increased anxiety from the fear of negative consequences. Those who comply face increased anxiety from the constant need to fit-in, to assimilate, and approximate themselves to the standards of the dominant culture. Neither choice assures safety, but compliance increases the liklihood that one can survive.

Freud's Psychoanalytic theory posited a similar critical choice. Psychoanalysts said that infants must resolve their Oedipal and Electra complexes by identifying with the oppressor. In Psychoanalysis, the oppressor is the same-sex parent. If one does not choose to comply and become like their early oppressors, mental illness follows and one may even face castration (literal and figurative).

The United States economy was first and foremost a slave economy, and even with the abolition of slavery in the late 19th century, our economy has continued to be based on oppression of minority groups and maintaining a social structure where wealthy, protestant,White males sat atop the totem and only those that closely approximate the appearance and values of those White men can simulate aspects of their status.

Others, starting with White men and women, are afforded the privileges of simulated status; given the cushiest jobs with the highest pay. That secures the dependence of the majority of White people on the power structure, making them docile servants of the system and reducing the risk of rebellion. It also makes the dirty work of maintaining the remnant slave economy, the work of the privileged class instead of the ruling class. This is not new, but the same as the original slave system where overseers did the dirty work for the slave masters.

So now we have white collar slaves. Corporate robots. Industrial field hands. There is an ongoing battle being waged in all of us and in society. It is freedom vs. oppression. Many rebellions, armed and intellectual, have been held. Each has moved the fight for liberty forward. Each of us has to choose if, how, and when to fight.

The question for the readers of this post are: 1) What are the costs of compliance; rebellion? 2) What are the benefits of compliance; rebellion? 3) What choice did you make, comply or resist?
4) Can you look back on your life and say that your choices throughout life to comply or resist were worth it? 5) If you could go back and change your decision, would you? 6) If you can change your decision from now on, will you?

In the movie 'Matrix' the hero Neo had to make a choice to take a blue pill and remain a slave in an unreal world that was predictable and familiar, or to take the red pill and be free in a world filled with uncertainty and ugly truths about the condition of humanity. If it were as simple as taking a pill, which pill would you choose?

J