Principles of Time Travel

Time travel is possible. In fact, I am about to embark on a journey back to 2008 right now. I could explain my trip but instead I would rather spend this time talking about a way in which all of us time travel everyday.

Not many people are living currently, in the present. It seems that most people spend a lot of their time in the past. Their present thoughts and feelings are inextricably linked to past events. They approach the present and future as if whatever happened yesterday is certain to happen again today, and tomorrow. Some others spend much of their time in the future. Their primary concern is what will be.

Those that do live in the present, are the most content. They are removed from the entanglements of the past, their grieving its loss has ended, regrets no longer linger, and past successes are no longer the basis of their self-esteem. They do not worry about what if and what may come, but instead focus on what is. Living in the present allows you to function at your best in THE NOW.

It is advantageous at times to visit the past. This way you can correct past mistakes. It is also beneficial to branch into the future. This way you can plan and visualize goals to be achieved and anticipate possible obstacles so that you can prepare.

Sometimes you must go backward to go forward and other times going forward too far takes you back. Notwithstanding the benefits of time travel, the present, THE NOW, is where we are healthiest, most content, most stable, most secure, and alive.

J

Parable of the King and the Poisoned Well

Today's life line has to do with trail blazing, walking the road less traveled, and doing what is right despite the difficulty.

The following parable was written by an unknown author. There are several versions of it on the web and I have taken the liberty to adapt a version here for your consumption. Hope you enjoy.

THE KING & THE POISONED WELL

There was once a wise king who ruled over a vast kingdom. He was feared for his might and loved for his wisdom. Now in the heart of the city, there was a well with pure and crystalline waters from which the king and all the inhabitants drank. When all were asleep, three witches entered the city and poured seven drops of a strange liquid into the well. They said that henceforth all who drink this water shall become mad.

The next day, all the people drank of the water, but not the king. And the people began to say, "The king is mad and has lost his reason. Look how strangely he behaves. We cannot be ruled by a madman, so he must be dethroned."

The king grew very fearful, for his subjects were preparing to rise against him. He had a difficult choice: risk being destroyed by his beloved subjects or drink from the poisoned well and become mad like them. So that evening, he ordered a golden goblet to be filled from the well, and he drank deeply. The next day, there was great rejoicing among the people, for their beloved king had finally regained his reason.

--Author Unknown

How many times in your life have you allowed yourself to do what is ordinary for the sake of comfort? Some people drink poison every day just to fit in with the crowd.

Well they say that the path of the righteous is narrow and long. It is beset by all sorts of obstacles, barriers, and evils that threaten to knock you off of the path. If you value your social role, status, possessions, relationships, or even your own life more than righteousness, then you will go the way of the king in the parable. You will drink from the well again and again in life. However, if you will risk standing out, risk being different, risk it all for love of righteousness, there is a greater reward.

Let your light shine and dim it for no one and nothing. You only have one life to live and one chance to get it right.

J

Who is the Gatekeeper of Sex & Relationship

I have found that not many people are familiar with the creation story that contains Lilith. The story briefly goes: Before God gave Eve to Adam, He created Adam and Lilith together. Adam demanded to be on top (it is assumed while having sex, but perhaps figuratively meaning social status as well) and Lilith grew tired of his insistence. She flew out from under Adam and into the sky becoming a night flying dragon that took away the lives of infants and gave men night-time emissions (wet dreams). When God saw Adam all alone, He made Eve for him and Eve was submissive to Adam.

The ramifications of these early mythical man-woman interactions are visible in our modern day relationships. For whatever reason, we have yet to find balance in power. The best we can do it seems is to divide labor. But even our traditional ways of dividing labor have broken down, since the industrial revolution and women's liberation movement.

Someone very intelligent once told me that Women are the keepers of sex and men are the keepers of relationship. Their meaning was that while men may focus more on attaining sex, when and how sex occurs is left up to women. Similarly, as women may focus more on securing relationships, it is up to men to decide when and how a relationship begins. This principle has a lot of anecdotal support.

Though I can't help but wonder if the changes in social mores are changing these roles. Certainly this question is made more complicated by same-sex couples. In such cases, factors other than sex are more determinant. Perhaps the same is true for male-female relationships now that gender roles have shifted so much.

In a world where Adam is relating in new and perpetually shifting ways with Eve and Lilith, can anyone really say anymore what role a man and woman should play in relationship to one another? Does Adam prefer the power and independence of Lilith but the devotion of Eve? Does any one woman possess the characteristics of both Lilith and Eve? Would Lilith desire Adam, but reject his affection entirely for the sake of her independence and self-determination? Is Eve really the gatekeeper of sex?

How can we improve our epic struggle to nourish one another, and live in harmony?

J

Love Lenses

This post is a continuation of yesterday's Love is a Science post. I thought it was important to bring it closer to home with some human psychology.

The ways in which people fail to sustain loving relationships are many, but in general it is a matter of perspective taking that allows some relationships to succeed and causes others to fail.

In psychoanalytic self psychology there are two concepts that influence all human relationships: 1) the selfobject experience and 2) the repetitive dimensions perspectives.

The selfobject experience describes all of the vitalizing, uplifting, life sustaining, warm and yummy feelings we get from our interactions with significant others. It starts early in life when we have our earliest experiences with our initial caretakers. If initial caretakers are reliable, consistent, and on-time with meeting our infantile needs, we learn that others can be trusted and that the world is safe and predictable.

The repetitive dimensions concept describes all of the times that our initial caretakers were absent, unreliable, and did not adequately meet our needs. When that occurs, we learn to expect frustration and disappointment from significant others.

We all develop both the selfobject lens and repetitive dimensions lens in our early years, and we carry them forth into all of our relationships throughout life.

In the beginnings of love relationships we see our significant others through the selfobject lens. We tend to see all of the good, fulfilling, vitalizing functions they perform for us and we tend to block out any faults or shortcomings. During this phase of the relationship, we get most of what we want. Inevitably though a rupture must come. It can be a simple disappointment or slight. The more similar the issue is to the ways our early caretakers failed us, the stronger our reaction to it. At this point of rupture, we begin to see our romantic partner through the lens of repetitive dimensions. Now we pay more attention to their faults and shortcomings than we do the good things they provide. During this time in a relationship it becomes difficult to get what we want. We become more likely to be disappointed and frustrated in our relationship.

The sad thing about this process is that both lenses are made of funhouse glass. What we perceive in the person we are with through these lenses are a distortions of their true self (which more realistically is a mixture of desirable and undesirable traits).

As I suggested in Love is a Science, each person has the ability to adapt and adjust so that love can be maintained. Focusing on what you get out of being with someone rather than what you are not getting from someone makes people more content in their loving relationships. When the inevitable ruptures come, it is necessary for the affected person to reach into their breast pocket and pull back out their selfobject lenses as soon as possible.

This in no way is meant to suggest that all relationships should last. Some people are just too toxic and some are sociopaths bent on destroying others. But it may support an argument that all love relationships can last.

Remember that just as you flip flop your lenses and move in and out of love with your partner, they are subject to their own flippity flops as well. Patience and communication (fueled by self-awareness) are the keys to mastering Love.

J

Love is a Science

Everyone has their own personal understanding of love. For some, being in love means being willing to sacrifice their own life, identity, and ambition. For others, being in love is a romantic idea of feeling love and sharing their life with someone. For still others, love is merely the chemical reactions in the brain that cause euphoria and a general sense of well-being. The lists go on and on.

I do not dispute the validity of any of these conceptions of love. However today, I want to offer a more universal and scientific explanation of love. I hope that it is useful and people can love better, wiser, and receive love in a manner that is more abundant and reliable than ever before.

Love is scientific. There is certainly the neurological aspect of love that affirms this claim. There is a certain special chemical cocktail cooked up by our brains that elicits the feeling of love. Through our associations of a person with this entirely internal chemical reaction, we come to believe that we are in love with that person. If that person does things that no longer elicit that feeling we can quickly fall out of love. But that is not all there is to love.

There are many types of love; the type between a parent and child, two consenting adults, puppy love, brotherly or sisterly love, etc. But at the base of it all, love is a consensus. If we reduce the complicated human interactions in love to their basic and universal unit, love is a consensus.

There are only three ways in which anything in the universe can interact: 1) they can pass (seemingly) like ships in the night without any easily observable recognition of one or the other. 2) they can collide destroying one or both parties to varying degrees. 3) they can coalesce, come together and become something new. This third possible interaction is what love is. It is a consensus to make something brand new.

The problem with love is that once these distinct entities join to make something new, entropy begins immediately and the new system starts to break down, just as the moon has been moving away from the Earth since it was created. At some point, the Earth will no longer exert such a gravitational effect on our moon and the moon will drift out of orbit. So love is hard to maintain due to entropy.

When objects gain or lose mass, gain or lose velocity, or change in their magnetic properties love is endangered. How that works for people is that we seem to grow apart. Below are some examples:

1. If one person gains mass (i.e. they get fat, earn more money, increased the size of their social network, etc.) the other person must either increase their velocity, mass, or magnetism in order to sustain the loving relationship. If they do not, the more massive ego's gravitational 'pull' (so to speak) will become inescapable and draw them in closer and closer until they were no longer distinct from the more massive person's ego; losing their individual identity. The other probability is that they would be hurled crashing into the more massive person and likely be destroyed by them.

2. If one person in a loving relationship gains velocity (i.e. they travel a lot, they don't sit still often, their emotions fluctuate rapidly, etc.) it is incumbent upon the other person to either speed up, gain mass, or increase their own magnetism. Or else the love will be ended. The slower person will be flung off, deserted into space and seeming isolation.

3. If one person's magnetism is increased (i.e. they become more attractive to others on the outside of the relationship) the other person will have to avoid colliding with the other people being drawn in. They will have to work hard to escape that person's pull so that they are not drawn into a collision and destroyed or caused to destroy the other.

Change is the only constant in the universe and if you are not flexible you cannot sustain love. If you are not willing to move away, grow, speed up or slow down, do whatever adaptations necessary to maintain love, you only have yourself to blame. Adaptation and adjustment are key to delay the inevitable disintegration of love. But you must maintain your integrity.

The primary principle in sustaining love is self-evolution. Push yourself and your partner to change for their own betterment, not for your own self-interest. Be wise in your adjustments and never force cohesion for fear of turning love to hate. Do not allow yourself to be lost in love or you will find yourself lacking love. Your only concern must be sustaining love no matter what distance comes between you. Know that love can overcome space and time.

And if possible, love infinitely, love strategically, and love without conditions.

J

Put off putting off

Every single day we put things off. We let things go. Sometimes its an unimportant task and other times a high priority. Usually when we procrastinate on high priority things, our deepest vulnerabilities are exposed.

Often it is fear that holds us back. Sometimes the fear is carried by our insecurities and doubts about our potential for success. Other times it is the very fear of succeeding and facing the next challenge.

Sometimes we put off moving forward because we are still so attached to the past.

Today, I want us to do something that we mean to do but, for whatever reason, we have been putting off. For instance, Obama could stop putting off addressing directly the needs of African Americans and all Black people. Congress could stop putting off enacting health care reform and immigration reform. Drug addicts can stop putting off kicking. Paramours can stop putting off loving truly. Students can cease procrastinating their studies. Christians can stop putting off Christ.

Today is a good day to put off putting off.

J

I Own You!

I will not speculate now on when the idea got started, nor about who started it, but the concept of ownership may be one of the most detrimental constructions in human history.

I know at some point in our history we were more collectivistic, tribalistic, and group oriented. Hunters hunted to feed the whole group. Gatherers gathered to feed the whole group. The only property we knew in those times was life. We protected our lives and the lives of loved ones.

Perhaps it was the start of agriculture that stimulate proprietary strivings. However it seems from African and Native American accounts that they were able to farm without adopting a sense of ownership of the land.

How did we get to the point that Imperialists from Europe felt so entitled that they could export colonialism throughout the world taking land, resources, and lives from indigenous people? How did we get to the point that we believed we could own land that existed long before we were born and even before modern humans existed?

Clearly by the time the Book of Genesis was written we had become such proprietary beings as it describes that God gave humans dominion over the land and the creatures of the Earth. We began naming everything and shaping the world to suit our egocentric purposes.

The concept of ownership gave birth to war, jealousy, revenge, envy, selfishness, and greed. Our belief that we can own anything has led us to bind one another as slaves. It has caused us to beat our spouses and children. It has even caused us to lay our proprietary claims on God. For instance, "My God is the one true God."

Humans have laid claim to the land and the seas. All of the Earth is now on someone's ledger. If you are not the owner, you have to pay to have access. You have to pay for food that comes from and that roams the ground. We have to pay for electricity and water. People claim to own the skies. We have planted flags in the moon and would do the same if we could get to another planet. Even that which you think you own, like your home for instance, can be taken away if you do not pay your taxes or if the government desires it.

The truth is... You don't own jack! We would be better off if we returned to the understanding that we are only a part of the larger system. We cannot own other distinct parts of the system and they cannot own us. The best we can do is live in harmony with our surroundings.

The next time you start to feel these undesirable emotions, or find yourself engaged in any of the aforementioned activities, ask yourself how it is possible to own anything. All that is provided us can be taken away in an instant. Objects bring us comfort and security, so it is understandable that we do not want to relinquish them. But it is an illusion that we ever possessed them to begin with. In the end, it is our clinging to objects that brings us pain and threatens our saftey.

J