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Saturday, April 3, 2010

Breaking up is Hard to Do

Is it wrong to leave someone you have been with for years when new and potentially better opportunities present themselves? A friend sought my advice recently on the subject. She was distraught over what to do about her nagging feelings and thoughts regarding leaving her old boyfriend (who doesn't want children and struggles professionally but to whom she is ever attached) for a new guy (who is a long held love interest, wants kids, and has bread).

Sometimes the new opportunities that threaten relationships are actually old flames, sometimes new ones. At times threats are growing passions for career, art, and/or self-exploration. Whatever the seductive situation, the decision making process is similarly filled with strife. It can seem like a choice between your future and your past. The past may be played out but comfortably familiar. And the future is uncertain but tantalizing.

As the options roll around in the person's mind, the centrifugal force can make them sick. Indeed, my friend worried that she was going insane. Difficult emotions take grip: guilt, depression, anxiety, paranoia, frustration, and desire for more than you already have.

The choices are clear but the consequences are not. Either choice will have its pluses and minuses. I advised my friend to empty her mind. Quiet her thoughts. I told her to meditate on her options and to watch for the universe to send her confirmation of her choice in the following days. If a more concrete guide was preferred, she could make lists of pros and cons. However if she cannot clear her mind, she will have a hard time finding success with such a rational approach.

Do you listen to TLC and avoid chasing waterfalls, sticking to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to? Or do you go the way of the Star Trek Enterprise and seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before?

J

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